in loving memory of...

i have lost someone..and my inner senses prevent me from accepting it...but i guess i have to move on..and to say it out aloud that you are dead...makes it profound..ultimate...theres no escaping the truth...you have gone...left me forever....

you were such an integral part of me...there wasn't a single second that i could think of leaving you....i couldn't breathe..eat..study...bath..sleep.....you were with me always...how was i to know that it wouldn't last forever...you were my jealously guarded possession...the keeper of all my deepest darkest secrets....you found me my love...you gave me reasons to laugh..to rejoice...you gave me a shoulder to cry on...you were the reflection of my moods....

you pacified me when i was angry...the endless times i used to hit you..torture you..and you would be there rock solid..with not so much as a scratch...people teased you were from the old school of thought....others made fun saying you were a slow coach....but i stood by you...then why did you leave me??..

you were soo young to die...maybe god loved you soo much that he called you back sooner than we would have thought...but then why such a brutal death??....drowned and asphyxiated..i wouldn't wish such an end to my worst enemy...was that a suicide??..or a preplanned murder??...i never know....i cried for you...tried to call you back...tried to wake you up...but you didn't respond....i rushed you to the nearest emergency...but i could sense i was to hear the worst because you were lying rigid cold in my arms...with not so much as a flutter....

i didn't want to cremate you or bury you...i waited for days on end to see if a shadow of life would cross your face...but i was disappointed...you had left me...with no way to turn back...my tears were in vain...it was final...you were gone...

i still miss you...nobody answers when i call out "chakkudu"...i had christened you thus...you took along my friends also...but i didn't care...the grief of losing you was soo much that i could think of nothing else...nobody sings "addicted" now....nobody fits soo snugly into my hands....i miss you a loot chakkudu....i miss everything about you.....you will be the first and last nokia n70 of my life....i promise you this......!!!!.....goodbye dear...it was great knowing you......