me loves them...!!!!!

any kiddie in school can love like a fool..but hating my boy is an art!!!...i didnt say this..but this quote has stuck with me right from the time some 4-5 years back when i first read it in readers digest...i always thought i was quite an exception to it...it was always easy for me to hate..easy enough to find faults...easy to be envious..jealous and finally hate to kill!!!...gee..i might come across as homicidal..but in some ways i am speaking the truth...so when i decided to kill time by writing in my blog..i decided against posting about stuff i hate..because its a never ending list...but about what and whom i love....hmmm..tough job!!!here goes....

me loves my dad!!...popsy baby is the ultimate daddy cool..he didnt tell me how to live..he lived and let me watch him doing it..and i learned thus...handsome enough to be haughty...self made..truly a gem of a person who always made me feel worthy...one of the few people to whom i feel like giving a hug and and saying that i love you...its true that any man can be a father...but it takes something special to be a dad..and i am glad that i have one...

me loves my mom!!...i fight with her..i threaten her..she beats me up...she says the most "what not to be said" to me...she reprimands me...i hate her intuition which most of the times turn right...i hate her for nagging me...for always thinking about the worst..for being a damsel in distress and dramatising things...but i love it when she allows me to love...to explore and to learn..i love it that i have someone who cares for me...i love it that i have someone whom i can vent my feelings to..who knows me 97% inside out...i love it that i have someone who helps me grow,prosper and reach heights...i love it that i have my mom....

me...ahhmm...loves my sis!!!...ours have always been a love hate relationship..she is the only one who had the snootiness in her to provoke my homicidal nature...shes bitchy when provoked...she follows the principle..the grass is always greener on the other side...shes never politically correct...i hate her hippocrisy...i hate her for being goodlooking...i hate her for being the better one always...indeed she is the lucky one for having me as a sis..but sometimes...i do feel...that she is the best friend that i never had...

me loves him!!!...nopes..not anyone can get into that "him" since its a pronoun...i meant specifically...love him for making me feel alive..for shattering the realities and making me fly...for making every wrong i did right by just being with me...for forgiving...for teaching me to smile and enjoy...for being that momentary madness that just grew in me...for giving me memories to treasure all through...no man is perfect until you love him..and i love him for being my perfect guy!!!

me loves achubittu...they are my dogs..for being the reincarnation of lord voldemort(achu the pomerarian)..and that of swami vivekananda(bittu the gsd)...for making our small family complete...for stealing chocolates out of my pocket...for licking away my tears when i am crying...for the matrix show you provide every night...for understanding everything said in hindi,english and malayalam except the word patti...for playing peek-a-boo with the crows...for being what you are..me loves you both and cant imagine our family without you...

me loves sachin tendulkar...you must be thinking what he is doing among all these personal stuff...but hes the brother i never had...the only passion of my life which turned into an obsession..i learned the lessons of hard work..selflessness...willpower..and what not from him....i pray for him...cry for him..laugh with him...my heart lights up when i see him in the field...i feel the pain when he gets injured...he is my idol..my ideal...i love him for being sachin tendulkar!!

me loves harry potter and jk rowling for giving me harry potter..for opening the windows of a world which i secretly relish to be in..for being the perfectly imperfect hero...me loves you....

me loves mickey...and misses him a loot..even though its almost 5 years since you died...he was the first dog of my life..our black lab...he used to carry me on his back and he is the only one whom i believe who loved me just as much as i loved him....

me loves my new mobile...nokia n95 8gb..yess!!!...a dream come true...the most beautiful and enviable possession of my life....

me loves food....the very essence of it...my love for food greatly contributed to my mom's currently wow culinary skills...which greatly explains my need to work out and be in a diet always....

and last of all...me loves the supreme power....be it in a stone..a flower...a smile...a baby...or even the human body(my anatomy classes helped me appreciate how great a creation we really are)...it made me realise the beauty and wonder of the most greatest gift of god...my life....

yeaa...me loves my life!!!!!!!

my first caesarean!!!

i didnt do it...but witnessing it was just as thrilling....i think we made a good audience..the eeeeww's when the amniotic bag was torn and the "water" was spurting out like a fountain...the ooohhss when we first saw the glimpse of the babys head inside....the aayyyoooo's when the baby was pulled out by a forceps....the aaahhhsss when the baby was fully out....and the soundless exclamations at the site of umbilical cord and tha placenta....the glees when we were assigned to find out if the baby was a gal or a boy...and finally the happiness for the mummy for getting a healthy baby inspite of the first two abortions and the present complications......

here is to baby priya...!!!!

starting out new...

a new beginning...a new awakening...trusting in god..that was what was going on in my mind when i was all set to start another stint at my college as a "3rd year junior"!!!...elated thought i was that i passed...disappointment too etched my mind thinking i couldnt score well.....a new week just went by...and i didnt realise how fast it had gone..something which is quite new with me after being a college goer....

my first posting was at sat hospital..obstetrics and gyneac...when i started out i didnt know the difference between the two...and now a week since i am glad to say that i kno atleast their difference...its a different experience altogether...diferent in the sense...i could feel my patience being tested and still the smile didnt leave my face...i am slowly losing out my very ancient "afraid and disgusted of crowd" behaviour....i didnt faint in the operation theatre....i could mingle freely with the patients at the OPD...i felt awed by the new born babies...couldnt take my eyes of their naturally pink attire..(GOB u should have seen them).....at the same time felt repulsed at the state of the mothers to be...of the big tummies and bigger appettite....i didnt see any glowing skin...i didnt see them with hoardes of people attending to their whims and fancies....i didnt see their craving for ben and jerrys extra dark chocolate icesream being catered to...(i am not sure if any of them even know what it is...)...i didnt see them fretting over pregnant mummy exercise and reading how to lose weight in the post partum period

but i saw them as women...happy to be fat....happy to give a shelter to their baby...happy to suffer through the anxiety and pain....praying to give birth to a normal healthy baby...worrying about the state of the family they have left behind at home.....all ready to help us students with our history taking....who blinks at us when we ask about the contraceptives they have used(many needed translation).....giggled when asked about the frequency of coitus...apprehensive about us learning by touching their most precious possession-their extra large tummy with a life inside.....

yes...it is indeed life....the most beautiful moment when i felt the kick of a baby while palpating a pregnant woman....he was just 36 weeks and not born yet..but he felt irked by us disturbing him...and i heard his heart beating extra fast(quite normal for a baby)....it was really a beautiful moment...when you feel the life inside...and i guess...the feeling intensifies and becomes even more breath taking when you feel the life inside your own body....i guess i kind of understand why women give birth going through all the pain....

it wasnt just about the wards...the theatres were a different thing....witnessed some PG people messing up with a spinal anaesthesia....mistook a hyeterctomy for a caesarian when a humoungous fibroid of the size of a baby was being taken out....witnessed them screaming with pain and discomfort at the minor theatre....

not just that...for the patients there...there are no madams and students.....there are only doctors...and they see us as one with the stethescope and coats on....and they respect us...and expects a lot from us...sigh!!!

i just pray that i can do something to make these people happy....and hopefully my wish be granted!!!!....

off to another week......

:-(

heard a tragic news quite unexpectedly...about the demise of a schoolmate...felt really saad..she wasnt my best friend..but i knew her personally....tessy..a real sweetheart...dont wanna go on talking about how good and great she was....she slipped from a waterfall at bangalore and drowned...just want to say that her friends will miss her a loot....whereever you are..may your soul rest in peace...!!!!

in loving memory of...

i have lost someone..and my inner senses prevent me from accepting it...but i guess i have to move on..and to say it out aloud that you are dead...makes it profound..ultimate...theres no escaping the truth...you have gone...left me forever....

you were such an integral part of me...there wasn't a single second that i could think of leaving you....i couldn't breathe..eat..study...bath..sleep.....you were with me always...how was i to know that it wouldn't last forever...you were my jealously guarded possession...the keeper of all my deepest darkest secrets....you found me my love...you gave me reasons to laugh..to rejoice...you gave me a shoulder to cry on...you were the reflection of my moods....

you pacified me when i was angry...the endless times i used to hit you..torture you..and you would be there rock solid..with not so much as a scratch...people teased you were from the old school of thought....others made fun saying you were a slow coach....but i stood by you...then why did you leave me??..

you were soo young to die...maybe god loved you soo much that he called you back sooner than we would have thought...but then why such a brutal death??....drowned and asphyxiated..i wouldn't wish such an end to my worst enemy...was that a suicide??..or a preplanned murder??...i never know....i cried for you...tried to call you back...tried to wake you up...but you didn't respond....i rushed you to the nearest emergency...but i could sense i was to hear the worst because you were lying rigid cold in my arms...with not so much as a flutter....

i didn't want to cremate you or bury you...i waited for days on end to see if a shadow of life would cross your face...but i was disappointed...you had left me...with no way to turn back...my tears were in vain...it was final...you were gone...

i still miss you...nobody answers when i call out "chakkudu"...i had christened you thus...you took along my friends also...but i didn't care...the grief of losing you was soo much that i could think of nothing else...nobody sings "addicted" now....nobody fits soo snugly into my hands....i miss you a loot chakkudu....i miss everything about you.....you will be the first and last nokia n70 of my life....i promise you this......!!!!.....goodbye dear...it was great knowing you......

back to college

i guess its time to go back to college...results are out..and i managed to pass...still havent got over that shock....classes were supposed to begin from monday but due to several reasons unfathomable to us lesser mortals who are the mercy of scalpel handed doctors...i m still at home...now they are saying that classes might...start on thursday....i wish they would just begin it....i am raring to go....

seriously..i am...because for a change...i have some points to prove to certain people...i guess at the end of this stint..i would have some beautiful memories to script on this blog rather than my usual bantering about how unfair unjust and ugly my college life is....

there is a long way to go and this time i am ready...for the trolls and monsters..ready not to let go of those rare opportunities....i hope everything turns out...hopefully good!!!!!