after hibernating for i dont know how long...i am back to the bloggers world...but seriously with no idea how long i am gonna be here before i scoot again...
nuthing much has changed with me..almost through with the 6th semester..awaiting my 3rd year results...sachin tendulkar is still next to God...i love simbu now...:P...and i still hate ash rai..and as always i am supposed to be on a diet and losing kilos...i dont have a facebook account now..hope to get it back soon...one of my good friends getting married...i had a bad year..loads of losses...which can never be replaced...still the drama queen..i suppose...:0
Friday, November 5, 2010
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
dear leo...
i write these words to you leo...which i want your heart to hear...
"fucking leo rann!!!"...this was the first dialogue that he made about you to me..and he ran after you...that was the first thing that made me closer to him...a co-dog lover...then i came to know more about you...about how he got you..how skinny you were...how you won over the hearts of everyone at home...how you became a part of his family...about how you love his dad the most..how you wait for him after he gets back from his loong journeys...about how you always take onto you any misfortune that might strike the family...
i loved you leo...not just as any other dog...but as my very own..i have seen you just once and that too recently...i am sorry i missed the chance to pet you like i wanted to then...i wish you would see all this...even though i havent known you for loong...i miss the barks i hear through the phone at night..i miss him complaining that you never finish your food and let the other eat yours too...i miss hearing your woofs and yips on the background during your night strolls....
i know i am noone to make these remarks and i dont know why the heck my eyes are welling up while i write this...just wanted to tell you that..whereever you are...your family misses you...they look out into the open field that you have once occupied,knowing that the field is empty..straining their ears for your bark that they know will never come....but never accepting the reality that you have gone...their hearts so heavy..they dont want to believe that you have gone to join your angel dogs....
if love alone could have saved you...i know you would never have died...if tears could built a stairway and heartache make a lane...your family would walk the path to heaven and bring you back...till the day their eyes shut for one last time..until then they all will keep trying to see through the tears with memories you left them to reflect through the years...but one day will come..when they will start to see through the pain of the moment..but you will never be forgotten...coz they will always remember you...
i wish you heard all this leo...i might be a stranger to you..but i say this on behalf of the family you have left behind....now..you go and play dear...and look down on us when you can,remembering we love you and that this is not the end.....
we love you leo....you are sorely missed....!!!!!
"fucking leo rann!!!"...this was the first dialogue that he made about you to me..and he ran after you...that was the first thing that made me closer to him...a co-dog lover...then i came to know more about you...about how he got you..how skinny you were...how you won over the hearts of everyone at home...how you became a part of his family...about how you love his dad the most..how you wait for him after he gets back from his loong journeys...about how you always take onto you any misfortune that might strike the family...
i loved you leo...not just as any other dog...but as my very own..i have seen you just once and that too recently...i am sorry i missed the chance to pet you like i wanted to then...i wish you would see all this...even though i havent known you for loong...i miss the barks i hear through the phone at night..i miss him complaining that you never finish your food and let the other eat yours too...i miss hearing your woofs and yips on the background during your night strolls....
i know i am noone to make these remarks and i dont know why the heck my eyes are welling up while i write this...just wanted to tell you that..whereever you are...your family misses you...they look out into the open field that you have once occupied,knowing that the field is empty..straining their ears for your bark that they know will never come....but never accepting the reality that you have gone...their hearts so heavy..they dont want to believe that you have gone to join your angel dogs....
if love alone could have saved you...i know you would never have died...if tears could built a stairway and heartache make a lane...your family would walk the path to heaven and bring you back...till the day their eyes shut for one last time..until then they all will keep trying to see through the tears with memories you left them to reflect through the years...but one day will come..when they will start to see through the pain of the moment..but you will never be forgotten...coz they will always remember you...
i wish you heard all this leo...i might be a stranger to you..but i say this on behalf of the family you have left behind....now..you go and play dear...and look down on us when you can,remembering we love you and that this is not the end.....
we love you leo....you are sorely missed....!!!!!
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
the best emotions of my life....!!!
these past 21 years of my life...my heart had ruled my brain...i was always a person of emotions..in needed or unwanted cases...i am just evaluating all the possible emotions of my life so far and rating them...because...u guessed it right...unemployment has struck me again....!!!so here goes....
10.ANGER....i would give anyone in this planet earth a run for their money for the title "angry young lady"..this emotion of mine comes way down at the bottom..because of the endless times i have ended up in trouble just because of the lack of control..u can say..short temper is my weakness..be it to my mom...my friends..or even the material stuff...when it totally goes against what i have in mind for it...but being a normal human being..i dont think i can afford to get rid of this...but i definitely hope this remains at the bottom always...
9.DISAPPOINTMENT....definitely not a frequent visitor like the above mentioned...but when it visited..it left its marks...it left me untouched for the first 15 years of my life...gave a blow when at 15 by giving me less than expected marks for 10th boards(believe me when i say this that studies were the only concern of my life then...)..it brought me back to ground zero...struck me with force of a tsunami at 17 for the pathetic marks at 12th boards and miserable performance at the entrance exams and a heinous choice of a friend...i m out of its touch for the past few years...maybe because my aspirations and dreams have reached normal ground level...:)
8.FEAR.....my greatest fear..is losing my loved ones...i cannot bear to even think of that....my fear of getting caught...my fear of failure...then comes my fear of...wooo...ghosts....spiders...snakes....cockroaches...lizards...all reptiles unspecified...i overcame my fear of darkness..dunno when and how....but i think being fearless takes a lot of fun out of life...how else can you scream...."iss jungle se mujhe bachaooo............"
7.ENVY....my most prized possession...i am envious of beauty..of perfection....i m jealous of pretty women...of models in hour glass figures adorning gorgeous sarees and dazzling diamonds...i m envious of most of the stuff i lack...envious of all the stuff that huge amounts of money buy without being aware of the fact that i have even priceless stuff with me that those very sums can never even afford....
6.HATE....somebody once said...hating my boy...is an art..i am proud to say that i have mastered that art...i can hate unconditionally...to the point of commiting a crime..yea..!!!i hate to kill...i am not gonna give any examples of whom and what i hate because then this post will be an endless one then....
5.JOY...i never seem to be a very happy person..i dont smile always...i dont jump around enthusiastically being the life and soul of any gang...i never seem satisfied...but the truth is..i find happiness in being happy...i get joy from the weirdest of stuff...the sight of sachin tendulkar walking onto the pitch to bat can make me happy even if i am in the deepest dumps after losing everything...i find joy in letting loose the ties and bonds for a while and crossing the line ocassionaly....i find joy in living life my own way...i find joy in teaching...i find joy in my doggies...hmmm...and i find ultimate joy in the happiness of the ones i love...:)
4.TRUST...This has always been my problem...i easily trust people...and blindly follow them and end up in trouble..but i guess its worthwhile to trust than be suspicious of the whole world...the only section of the society that i dont trust are auto rickshaw drivers and cats..that too for entirely personal reasons..once i trust a person i stand by them even when the whole world and my own brain goes agianst them...i dont think it takes years to develop trust..for me..trust is the basis of every relationship...good and bad...and when i say i trust you...i mean it....
3.GRIEF....my very own...had it not been for it..i wouldnt have realised how precious life is that death steals it away...it is the link to my love...its my sole companion through the storm hit days even though it eases no pain.....i have read somewer...
"between grief and nothing,some will take grief...but those who take nothing will surely regret,
that they cant be robbed in good time..thats a thief,...of memories that grief cannot make them forget........."
2.PASSION................PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL!!!!!!
1.undoubtedly...LOVE....towards my family..my friends...my love...that uncondiotional emotion that stays with me even when i leave my hands and heart open...the best feeling ever to be in..it gives you pain...it gives you memories..it makes you live...to be loved and cared for is actually the best thing we can ask for..i could never actually explain what love was...i feel in the hug of my mom...the trust of my dad...touch of my love...words of my sis...and the presence of my dogs...i dunno what it actually is...but it prompts me to live and love more...maybe its that momentary madness that erupted in me and never quite subsided....maybe.....:)
10.ANGER....i would give anyone in this planet earth a run for their money for the title "angry young lady"..this emotion of mine comes way down at the bottom..because of the endless times i have ended up in trouble just because of the lack of control..u can say..short temper is my weakness..be it to my mom...my friends..or even the material stuff...when it totally goes against what i have in mind for it...but being a normal human being..i dont think i can afford to get rid of this...but i definitely hope this remains at the bottom always...
9.DISAPPOINTMENT....definitely not a frequent visitor like the above mentioned...but when it visited..it left its marks...it left me untouched for the first 15 years of my life...gave a blow when at 15 by giving me less than expected marks for 10th boards(believe me when i say this that studies were the only concern of my life then...)..it brought me back to ground zero...struck me with force of a tsunami at 17 for the pathetic marks at 12th boards and miserable performance at the entrance exams and a heinous choice of a friend...i m out of its touch for the past few years...maybe because my aspirations and dreams have reached normal ground level...:)
8.FEAR.....my greatest fear..is losing my loved ones...i cannot bear to even think of that....my fear of getting caught...my fear of failure...then comes my fear of...wooo...ghosts....spiders...snakes....cockroaches...lizards...all reptiles unspecified...i overcame my fear of darkness..dunno when and how....but i think being fearless takes a lot of fun out of life...how else can you scream...."iss jungle se mujhe bachaooo............"
7.ENVY....my most prized possession...i am envious of beauty..of perfection....i m jealous of pretty women...of models in hour glass figures adorning gorgeous sarees and dazzling diamonds...i m envious of most of the stuff i lack...envious of all the stuff that huge amounts of money buy without being aware of the fact that i have even priceless stuff with me that those very sums can never even afford....
6.HATE....somebody once said...hating my boy...is an art..i am proud to say that i have mastered that art...i can hate unconditionally...to the point of commiting a crime..yea..!!!i hate to kill...i am not gonna give any examples of whom and what i hate because then this post will be an endless one then....
5.JOY...i never seem to be a very happy person..i dont smile always...i dont jump around enthusiastically being the life and soul of any gang...i never seem satisfied...but the truth is..i find happiness in being happy...i get joy from the weirdest of stuff...the sight of sachin tendulkar walking onto the pitch to bat can make me happy even if i am in the deepest dumps after losing everything...i find joy in letting loose the ties and bonds for a while and crossing the line ocassionaly....i find joy in living life my own way...i find joy in teaching...i find joy in my doggies...hmmm...and i find ultimate joy in the happiness of the ones i love...:)
4.TRUST...This has always been my problem...i easily trust people...and blindly follow them and end up in trouble..but i guess its worthwhile to trust than be suspicious of the whole world...the only section of the society that i dont trust are auto rickshaw drivers and cats..that too for entirely personal reasons..once i trust a person i stand by them even when the whole world and my own brain goes agianst them...i dont think it takes years to develop trust..for me..trust is the basis of every relationship...good and bad...and when i say i trust you...i mean it....
3.GRIEF....my very own...had it not been for it..i wouldnt have realised how precious life is that death steals it away...it is the link to my love...its my sole companion through the storm hit days even though it eases no pain.....i have read somewer...
"between grief and nothing,some will take grief...but those who take nothing will surely regret,
that they cant be robbed in good time..thats a thief,...of memories that grief cannot make them forget........."
2.PASSION................PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL!!!!!!
1.undoubtedly...LOVE....towards my family..my friends...my love...that uncondiotional emotion that stays with me even when i leave my hands and heart open...the best feeling ever to be in..it gives you pain...it gives you memories..it makes you live...to be loved and cared for is actually the best thing we can ask for..i could never actually explain what love was...i feel in the hug of my mom...the trust of my dad...touch of my love...words of my sis...and the presence of my dogs...i dunno what it actually is...but it prompts me to live and love more...maybe its that momentary madness that erupted in me and never quite subsided....maybe.....:)
Saturday, September 5, 2009
with love...
today is September 5th..teachers day!!
and today i want to take this opportunity to thank all those teachers who has ever taught me in my life..
i want to thank them for helping me evolve into what i am today...
and especially this post is dedicated to a very special few among them
to sr.louisa...
i dont know where to start from..i wouldnt be what i am today without you..it was you who found me..you who nurtured my talents...you encouraged me..cared for me...loved me..you taught me to be independent..you are one of those people to whom i am indebted for my life..i dont know how to thank you...u made me a successful student...and if i ever become someone worthy in life...i owe it all to you....i dont even know if our paths will cross again..but to me..you will always remain the woman of the world!!!....
to rita teacher..
for being more of a mother than a teacher...thank you!!!
to anitha teacher..
you were our support system at school...our best friend...my only favourite maths teacher...thank you...!!!
to anne teacher...vimala teacher..and..
to all those endless teachers of holy angels convent whose name i havent mentioned...i would like to take this opportunity to let you know that you will always be remembered as the best gifts god has ever showered upon me...
to all the teachers who had taught and tortured me at st.thomas central school..
i hated each of you while i lasted there..it was my sheer will power to prove you all wrong that made me work harder and reach where i am now...thank you!!!
to all the teachers at zephyr...thank you for your support....
wishing each of you a very happy teachers day!!
i was lucky i found you guys in my life!!!!....
and today i want to take this opportunity to thank all those teachers who has ever taught me in my life..
i want to thank them for helping me evolve into what i am today...
and especially this post is dedicated to a very special few among them
to sr.louisa...
i dont know where to start from..i wouldnt be what i am today without you..it was you who found me..you who nurtured my talents...you encouraged me..cared for me...loved me..you taught me to be independent..you are one of those people to whom i am indebted for my life..i dont know how to thank you...u made me a successful student...and if i ever become someone worthy in life...i owe it all to you....i dont even know if our paths will cross again..but to me..you will always remain the woman of the world!!!....
to rita teacher..
for being more of a mother than a teacher...thank you!!!
to anitha teacher..
you were our support system at school...our best friend...my only favourite maths teacher...thank you...!!!
to anne teacher...vimala teacher..and..
to all those endless teachers of holy angels convent whose name i havent mentioned...i would like to take this opportunity to let you know that you will always be remembered as the best gifts god has ever showered upon me...
to all the teachers who had taught and tortured me at st.thomas central school..
i hated each of you while i lasted there..it was my sheer will power to prove you all wrong that made me work harder and reach where i am now...thank you!!!
to all the teachers at zephyr...thank you for your support....
wishing each of you a very happy teachers day!!
i was lucky i found you guys in my life!!!!....
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
HAPPY ONAM everyone!!!!
another onam came..and its almost going..cant just adjust to the fact how fast years are passing by...well..we celebrated it the typical kerala way..ahemm...nt exactly...where you are expected to make an atham in front of your house...play around with your friends especially in a swing...sing songs and welcome maveli...dance to the tunes of thiruvathirakkali...an excellent feast in the afternoon..etc etc
a typical mallu family in a city has made a few radical changes to the above scenario..take for eg..my home...i begged with my mom to let me make an atham..but she wouldnt relent to it..thanks to my extremely naughty doggies..she fears the mess they will make...there goes our atham...i am playing around with my friends..but its an indoor game..hehe..sorority life in facebook...there was no tree to make a swing out of its branch..then i even missed the onam celebrations at college thanks to our spm tour..so no maveli and thiruvathira this time around...
and all these are substituted by the endless movies that are shown on various channels..3 of them yesterday..another 3 today...and yeahh...what remains unchanged is the excellent feast in the afternoon..the typical onam sadya...slurp!!!..i just finished it....:)
needless to say...we all enjoy onam..one way or the other..the only time when the chains locking our wallets hang loose and we even give away to the most stupidest of stuff in the market...a time for shopping...a time for togetherness...even if its sitting huddled in the sofa watching the movies...heyy..well...u cant have everything right???
and well...i guess another movie has started..and i can hear the title song blaring...i think its time for me to go...so heres wishing everyone a very happy and prosperous onam!!!...may all your dreams and wishes come true..!!!!:)
a typical mallu family in a city has made a few radical changes to the above scenario..take for eg..my home...i begged with my mom to let me make an atham..but she wouldnt relent to it..thanks to my extremely naughty doggies..she fears the mess they will make...there goes our atham...i am playing around with my friends..but its an indoor game..hehe..sorority life in facebook...there was no tree to make a swing out of its branch..then i even missed the onam celebrations at college thanks to our spm tour..so no maveli and thiruvathira this time around...
and all these are substituted by the endless movies that are shown on various channels..3 of them yesterday..another 3 today...and yeahh...what remains unchanged is the excellent feast in the afternoon..the typical onam sadya...slurp!!!..i just finished it....:)
needless to say...we all enjoy onam..one way or the other..the only time when the chains locking our wallets hang loose and we even give away to the most stupidest of stuff in the market...a time for shopping...a time for togetherness...even if its sitting huddled in the sofa watching the movies...heyy..well...u cant have everything right???
and well...i guess another movie has started..and i can hear the title song blaring...i think its time for me to go...so heres wishing everyone a very happy and prosperous onam!!!...may all your dreams and wishes come true..!!!!:)
Friday, August 28, 2009
HOLIDAYS!!!!!!
i am soooo happy....i am a weeks leave for onam holidays...starting from today!!!....i m kinda taking a breather from what you call a very extremely hectic three-four months...i just want to relax and sleep and catch up on my long-lost diet plans and exercise regimes...but then cant totally ignore studies too as i have some imporatant works awaiting me at the other end of this week...
was at agastyakoodam for a couple of days...the so called spm tour...but it was 3/4th classes and 1/4th sight seeing...it was kind of fun...but it made me miss home soo much...i was irritated all through the tour...dont know why...well sir gave us some chits and asked us to jot down our comments about all others...that was the fun part...well..what i got was good...coz sir particularly asked to write only about the good things in others...and well..when you can write anonymously,people dont stick to the norms...i think a a couple of chits upset me that day...maybe that was the trouble...
and another awesome part was trekking through the forests looking out for lions....i loved that..even though the path taken was a bit scary...well..anyways..we reached back home...
i m too lazy now to type anymore...maybe some other time...
was at agastyakoodam for a couple of days...the so called spm tour...but it was 3/4th classes and 1/4th sight seeing...it was kind of fun...but it made me miss home soo much...i was irritated all through the tour...dont know why...well sir gave us some chits and asked us to jot down our comments about all others...that was the fun part...well..what i got was good...coz sir particularly asked to write only about the good things in others...and well..when you can write anonymously,people dont stick to the norms...i think a a couple of chits upset me that day...maybe that was the trouble...
and another awesome part was trekking through the forests looking out for lions....i loved that..even though the path taken was a bit scary...well..anyways..we reached back home...
i m too lazy now to type anymore...maybe some other time...
Thursday, August 27, 2009
tagged...hmmmm
my sis does this always..tag me....and mind u chitz..i am nt chaitz...i am the princess...!!!hehe...here goes..
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"god!!!...look at all those pimple marks...i am soo ugly..!!!..spm tour didnt agree with me...i wanna go back home...!!!!!"
2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
i dunno exactly...have to go downstairs and check..i guess around 2000rs...
3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
dumbledore...!!!
4. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
cuppycake song
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
rakesh
6. What are you wearing right now?
skirt and top
7. Do you label yourself?
NO
9. Bright or Dark Room?
i prefer the dark room...except when i am typing or studying...my eye sight is getting worse by the day...
10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
jobless...:)
11. What does your watch look like?
i have about 4 different watches...which were all gifted to me...but i dont wear a watch..not even on my exam days...
12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
was celebrating the birthday of a friend with 25 other classmates in a dormitory at agastyakoodam...
13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"hey...why did you call me??"..from a friend reshma..
14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
f***
15. Who told you he/she loved you last?
my boyfriend...for the first time a few weeks back after almost 3 years...:)
16. Last furry thing you touched
achu and bittu....i touched them together to avoid conflicts...
17. Favorite age you have been so far?
14 and 20...cant separate the two...!!!
18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"what a crap serial"...to my mom a few minutes back..
19. The last song you listened to?
mele mele manam..manam mele..mannin koodaram....
20. Where did you live in 1987?
amniotic sac,uterus,womb of lolitha...my mom!!!!
21. Are you jealous of anyone?
i am jealous of everyone who has got a perfect figure and look beautiful...!!!
22. Is anyone jealous of you?
hahaha...fat chance!!!
23. Name three things that you have on you at all times
my cell phone...clothes....a ring on my finger...
24. What’s your favorite town/city?
bangalore...to visit...and trivandrum to stay...
25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
3-4 years back...to my cousin kichu..
26. Can you change the oil on a car?
no
27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
kunchako boban....that he got married to that girl coz he was stuck with her and pressurised...excerpts from the conversation between three of her classmates...
28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my head....i havent slept for the past 36 hours...i got back home after a day n half from a posting...and i got a presentation to be completed for tomorrow
29. What is your current desktop picture?
yamaha R6
30. Have you been burnt by love?
yeaa....burnt and reduced to ashes....but then i was born again from those very same ashes beacause of that very same love...:)
i m tagging bhageerathi and happynutz.....:)
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?
"god!!!...look at all those pimple marks...i am soo ugly..!!!..spm tour didnt agree with me...i wanna go back home...!!!!!"
2. How much cash do you have in your wallet right now?
i dunno exactly...have to go downstairs and check..i guess around 2000rs...
3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?
dumbledore...!!!
4. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?
cuppycake song
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?
rakesh
6. What are you wearing right now?
skirt and top
7. Do you label yourself?
NO
9. Bright or Dark Room?
i prefer the dark room...except when i am typing or studying...my eye sight is getting worse by the day...
10. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?
jobless...:)
11. What does your watch look like?
i have about 4 different watches...which were all gifted to me...but i dont wear a watch..not even on my exam days...
12. What were you doing at midnight last night?
was celebrating the birthday of a friend with 25 other classmates in a dormitory at agastyakoodam...
13. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?
"hey...why did you call me??"..from a friend reshma..
14. What’s a word that you say a lot?
f***
15. Who told you he/she loved you last?
my boyfriend...for the first time a few weeks back after almost 3 years...:)
16. Last furry thing you touched
achu and bittu....i touched them together to avoid conflicts...
17. Favorite age you have been so far?
14 and 20...cant separate the two...!!!
18. What was the last thing you said to someone?
"what a crap serial"...to my mom a few minutes back..
19. The last song you listened to?
mele mele manam..manam mele..mannin koodaram....
20. Where did you live in 1987?
amniotic sac,uterus,womb of lolitha...my mom!!!!
21. Are you jealous of anyone?
i am jealous of everyone who has got a perfect figure and look beautiful...!!!
22. Is anyone jealous of you?
hahaha...fat chance!!!
23. Name three things that you have on you at all times
my cell phone...clothes....a ring on my finger...
24. What’s your favorite town/city?
bangalore...to visit...and trivandrum to stay...
25. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?
3-4 years back...to my cousin kichu..
26. Can you change the oil on a car?
no
27. Your first love/big crush: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?
kunchako boban....that he got married to that girl coz he was stuck with her and pressurised...excerpts from the conversation between three of her classmates...
28. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my head....i havent slept for the past 36 hours...i got back home after a day n half from a posting...and i got a presentation to be completed for tomorrow
29. What is your current desktop picture?
yamaha R6
30. Have you been burnt by love?
yeaa....burnt and reduced to ashes....but then i was born again from those very same ashes beacause of that very same love...:)
i m tagging bhageerathi and happynutz.....:)
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